688 [KF] and [NH]
[KF]: So we gotta leave for Dirty Jap and Defaced USAG's wedding in about over a week, huh.
[NH]: What's gotten into you, damn.
[KF]: I feel like death, all I do is kill other people. Killing saves, huh.
[NH]: Then why don't we just live our lives on the rest of the money, huh?
[KF]: Because I don't like to be reminded that money exists, ok?
[NH]: Why does it matter, you're destroying yourself anyways.
[KF]: Oh yeah?
[NH]: What ever happened to cheery "wait for me, boo" this and "x marks the spot" that?
[KF]: I asked you that months ago.
[NH]: Whatever, but do you understand what I'm getting at?
[KF]: I guess I do.
[NH]: You aren't helping your case by hiding that Hellriegel around. I don't like having to remind myself it's in your gun safe.
[KF]: Well this isn't your house, is it?
[NH]: At least you don't drink yourself to death, or anything like that. Better you mope around than get any more funny ideas. You're already pushing that boundary with forcing yourself to travel to the battles at Marne and Verdun. What do you even think you're doing, traveling like that?
[KF]: Maybe the same reason Ren does.
[NH]: What do you think that is?
[KF]: Maybe all of us, Aki and Ashton, his brother, our stereotypical Marine, Ren, and hell even the Swede and his toy; maybe our only purpose is to specialize in killing. We all have our ways, our methods, and our defensive techniques. Some of us, marksmen. Others, purely assault or maybe total stealth. Even as far as some of us more in the swiftness of taking a life or making it excruciating and slow. Sometimes I cry myself at night knowing I'm responsible for the deaths of everyone I love, waiting for your turn.
[NH]: You're gonna think I'm a liar, but I totally understand how that feels.
[KF]: I don't think that, otherwise you would have been less stubborn when we first met.
[NH]: And why do you think I pressured you to avoid casualties of any kind back then, speaking of.
[KF]: Because you didn't want to take a life if it wasn't worth it, that I understand. I should hand that Hellriegel over to a museum.
[NH]: And don't go to Vietnam with that idiot either, he's a legitemate moron.
[KF]: They both are. I don't blame Ren for being so hostile when Ashton makes claims of her and Tyler being together.
[NH]: Not to be too off-topic, but it seems like you two are always thinking each other is one step ahead of everyone.
[KF]: Yeah, I feel that too.
[NH]: But, continue.
[KF]: I live so far away, far away in Bonn like I used to. Here. Here in Germany. If only I lived alone, I could truly be so nearly free.
[NH]: Free from what, if I may ask.
[KF]: So nearly free...
0788 [KF] and [NH]
[NH]: What are you up to?
[KF]: Trying to remove the memory that Tyler still exists.
[NH]: You're way ahead of me, then.
[KF]: Can I ask you something?
[NH]: Yeah, sure. What's on your mind?
[KF]: How have you lived 82 years and not killed yourself yet?
[NH]: Well, I almost did once.
[NH]: Don't tell anyone I said that. Living forever isn't really a blessing, but a curse of ultimate suffering. I know that's what more open-minded or perceptive people seem to figure out but it's the truth.
[KF]: To think that if I didn't meet you, I could still be with Dominic and Marius. We could be having the time of our lives, but then we also all might be dead.
[NH]: Look, I'm getting really tired of hearing you lament like that. I get it, yes they were your life-long friends and I can say you've accepted that they won't be coming back anytime soon but you have to listen to me.
[KF]: What more do you have to complain about this matter?
- [NH] grabs a hold of [KF]
[NH]: Kari listen to me! They're dead! And, as much as you can go back into the past to try to change things...it'll only make things worse for everything. The Butterfly Effect explains so much about why Aaron and I regret so many irreversible atrocities and mistakes that we're responsible for making and I need you to understand that with what Tyler is doing too.
[KF]: What makes you think I don't understand that? Do you realize I could have, at any point, gone back in time if I was that stupid?
- [NH] lets go of [KF]
[NH]: I know you're a smart girl, and I know change when I see it in someone. You're a lot different than the Flektarn helmeted unit I met two years ago, and I know you still have their helmets too. My point here is, well, you're only 25 and like you said I'm 82. I've lost so many people and I've had no rest even as a small child. Going from abusive parents onward until I met Aaron, and even if I may not like everything the two of us did I sure as hell won't go back. No matter how much I may regret it. Not to mention that if I say I've lost so many people, then definitely be careful mentioning losses to Aaron. He lost his whole family, that kind of thing fucks you up.
[KF]: Ashton lost his family too.
[NH]: I don't deny that, but Aaron lost it to something more frustrating than a bunch of thugs.
[KF]: I understand, but Nate; all I had left in the world was Dominic and Marius, my other friends, my family, and everyone I knew is dead. After my two dearest friends, I was forced into a community of people who gleefully interact while also having an assortment of guns at each others' heads and knives at their throats. Why else would I have moved back to my home here? I despise every one of them to some extent, even though they can't find a reason to hate me. Let alone kill me. You're the only one who even remotely cares. I'm still not even sure why you decided to leave with me.
[NH]: It's because I'd hoped I could run away from it all too. As much as I don't like to say this, Aaron is the only one I suppose I could really trust. I know he'd never deny me assistance, somehow.
[KF]: You want to hear something really interesting?
[KF]: Aki called me a week after the wedding asking how is it that I could remain in secrecy and be only remembered by who I want to be remembered by, to quote her exactly. I responded saying, "Well, ask Ren that. Not me. Also, I'm not the president of a seceded city-state". After that, I hear she's in the process of setting up and actual leader and wants to resign.
[NH]: Nice convoluted answer, seems legit though.
[KF]: Got me thinking about Ren and Tyler, too.
[NH]: Oh yeah?
[KF]: I can tell that she's so sick of him that I see the fire in her eyes when he's around.
[NH]: And his words aren't really clear.
[KF]: Do you think she'll kill him like she killed you once?
[NH]: She kills anyone close to her, but somehow not Scully.
[KF]: As much as I think he should die, nobody deserves the abrupt end of being murdered. Also, I'm glad. I still love that guy. Hear he's doing fine back in rebuilt England. Not exactly AWOL from Holland anymore if it too was destroyed and is now also being rebuilt.
[NH]: He ever contact you?
[KF]: At that Christmas party we hosted long ago, we swapped numbers. He sends me photos of gigs and says he'll get us exclusive backstage tours and whatnot whenever we stop by. I do kinda like that, personally knowing one of my favorite DJ's like that.
[NH]: That's pretty cool, but about Tyler.
[KF]: What about him.
[NH]: I think Ren's probably already making you eat your words.
[KF]: Wouldn't doubt it.
[NH]: To answer why I followed you here to take up your offer.
[KF]: Yeah, nearly forgot I mentioned that somehow...
[NH]: Really it's because I see so much in you that I could've done with myself, in my life. Potential, yeah that. I want to see you on the right track and honestly the events we go to and the adventures we go on are really remind me what life is all about. All about that fun stuff, and I know there's always going to be some insurgency rising that needs to be quelled that we'll be called to fight off. That's what's our balance to all that fun stuff, as Ren might say about her Buddhism and tranquility stuff.
[KF]: Yeah, I know what you mean.
[NH]: Even if it's tacky, another reason is because you've been growing on me. Like someone I can't let go, and I can't keep making that mistake. I know I sounded hesitant about your pervasiveness in the beginning but now you've become my responsibility to protect and serve with. I love you, Kari.
[KF]: I, thanks. I love you too.
[NH]: I know it's a day early, but happy birthday.
[KF]: Oh, you remembered. Thanks again, no one else remembered.
[NH]: Come on, let's try to pass the time without you moping around.
[KF]: You wanna prank call pizza places and order a "Boneless Pizza"?
[NH]: I still don't fully know how you can be a teenager and an adult at the same time.